I Think I’ve Been a Nudist at Heart All Along, Come to Think of It… (And I Never Realized It ‘til Now)
Hi friends,
Buck here. This morning I woke up real early because I just started thinking about being a nudist. As you guys probably already know, I “officially” came out as a nudist last November just before my 24th birthday and was raised in a non-nudist family. But come to think of it, I think my love for being naked may actually have roots in the early stages of my life—and I think I’ve been a nudist at heart my entire life, but I never wanted to actually admit it.
While I was thinking about this, I started watching “The Puppy Episode” of Ellen DeGeneres’s 90s sitcom, Ellen, online, when she comes out as a lesbian. Even though I’m not gay, I thought about Ellen talking to her therapist (Oprah Winfrey) after coming out to a fellow lesbian she met, who worked with an old boyfriend of Ellen’s. While talking with her therapist, Ellen talked about times back in high school and junior high when she started having feelings for other women. So then, she and Oprah started discussing how Ellen had these feelings bottled up inside and never acted on them, and Ellen thought if she ignored those impulsions, over time the feeling would go away because she just wanted to live a normal life.
Well thinking about Ellen’s character on the show in this situation, I thought about how I’ve had an impulsion inside for years about not wanting to wear clothes. When I was little, about 5 or so, I used to like to walk or run around the yard naked. Sometimes in our swimming pool at home around the time I was about 10 or 12, I just wanted to take my bathing suit off and swim naked. It wasn’t any sexual tension or anything, I just wanted to feel what it was like to take off my clothes (but I was always afraid to act on it)—and I had no idea what a nudist was at that time. Then I first saw the movie “The Goonies” when I was in 8th grade, I was 13, and inside Mikey Walsh (Sean Astin)’s home in the movie, there was a small statue of Michelangelo’s David on the living room table, which Chunk (Jeff Cohen), of course, knocked over and broke the genitals off (Mikey’s mom’s “favorite piece”)—I thought about the story of David in the bible about when he refused to wear the fancy battle uniform the king gave him to defeat Goliath, and how the statue depicts him with his sling and stone and him being completely naked, with nothing sexual about it—and I thought again of my obsession for casual non-sexual nudity. Afterwards, I noticed my mom had a big book all about Michelangelo hidden way back in my little brother’s closet, and I started looking at other artwork Michelangelo created which contained casual non-sexual nudity, including the vault of the Sistine Chapel, and the creation of Adam and Eve. One time I think I was 15, and I was up north with my mom for Labor Day weekend—we were at the beach, but I really wanted to get naked, so I went up to the beach house to use the bathroom and just walked around naked—but I was afraid to come outside without a bathing suit on, because I didn’t want to get into trouble.
For the longest time, I tried to forget these situations, and wanted to just move on and live a normal life—I thought something was wrong with me, but I wanted to forget it, thinking something was wrong with me or people would think I was a pervert. True, my sexual hormones did come up in my late teens and for a while I watched a lot of porn after I turned 18, but after a while, it just got old fast. I liked being naked, but the sexual aspect of it just got old fast and I didn’t want to think about porn anymore. And again, I just wanted to be naked just for the freedom of it, but again for the longest time I was afraid to act on it, thinking something was still wrong with me.
Finally, a couple years ago, I noticed the show “Naked and Afraid” browsing through the channel guide on TV—I started watching it, and found it was just a survival show where people are completely naked for 21 days without any standard essentials needed to survive in tough terrains. I came to like it, and actually got naked myself while watching these episodes. But things really took off around that same time because I also happened to be in college and I really needed a job to make some money. I saw this ad for an art model, and the description was about that this was a nude art model position. At first I took the job mainly for the money (or so I wanted to believe at the time), but after a while of doing it, that feeling of liking to be naked just came back and I really didn’t care anymore about people seeing me naked. I ended up doing the modeling gig for the rest of my time attending college—and after a year and a half of doing that, just before I turned 24, I figured this is who I truly am. I like being naked, and I don’t have to hide it anymore. I really am a nudist, and there’s no reason to be scared about taking my clothes off.
So come to think of it, I think I have been a nudist all along. It just took me the longest time to realize it.
Have you ever felt this way? You feel your nudist roots may have spread back way before you decided to become a nudist? I’d like to hear your story too!
Best to all, and stay nude!
Your pal,